My December to Remember: Day Five
News: Politico reports Biden is mulling preemptive pardons for Adam Schiff, Liz Cheney, and Anthony Fauci.
Gunman in UnitedHealth CEO shooting reportedly wrote “Deny,” “Depose,” “Defend” on the bullet casings.
Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy on Capitol Hill to discuss DOGE cost-cutting with lawmakers.
Massive dustup in House hearing between USSS Head Rowe and Rep. Fallon over 9/11.
Boston City Council says it will offer no help for ICE deportations.
Bitcoin tops $100K for the first time.
It’s become apparent to me over the years how incredibly important it is to say what you mean, and mean what you say. When I look back at some of my old YouTube rant videos, I can’t believe some of the nonsense that came flying out of my mouth. Calling people I don’t even know assh*les and sh*theads just because I didn’t like the content they put out. It was mean stuff. Sometimes cruel. And I just have no desire to be that way anymore, and this time I mean it.
A while ago, a few co-workers and I were having some drinks one day after work. Even though we were out of the newsroom, the subject of news still came up, including how crazy each news cycle is, and the dynamics of our team. Discussions of an old colleague came up, who had left earlier in the year and unfortunately not on the best terms. I only learned later they went scorched earth on basically the whole team during the exit interview. I do wonder what kind of words they had for me, but I try not to let those thoughts linger for too long.
Either way, when this person came up, one of my co-workers didn’t have the nicest words for this particular person. “I hate them and I hope they burn in hell,” she said. Immediately I had to push back on this. “Nah, we can’t think like that about people,” I told her. But she didn’t care. In fact, she doubled down on her sentiment, and I knew there was no blush about what she was saying. She meant every word and would continue meaning it. Defeated, I could only remind her that karma isn’t kind, especially when you’re the one who didn’t bite their tongue.
I know it’s not my place to police how people feel. And on some level I admire her adherence to her emotional state. Especially considering all that she’s been through. Still, even the worst person in the world I don’t wish bad on. It’s my one real consistent, as I know what kind of blemish that would leave on me and whoever I’m currently cursing.
But it wasn’t always this way. I keep coming back to one instance about six years ago where I was so consumed by this one particular thing that I let myself turn to the dark side in an attempt to get what I wanted. I was lying on the couch, crying my eyes out, praying with all my being that maybe I’d be lucky to obtain this love I had been after for so long. But I was doing it all wrong. I was trying to conjur up guilt to get people to love me back, and warning the universe they’d have a sh*tty life if I wasn’t in it.
I still think about that. About how angry I was and how misguided it was to feel like something real could spring forth from that. And how, in the end, it didn’t even work like I wanted it. I regret that action. And I won’t do it again. If you can believe it, I’ll actually keep my mouth shut this time, and reserve my senses for something that actually makes sense. Using your words to wish bad is lost on me. They always carry weight. Don’t let yours be what drags you down.
