My December to Remember: Day Four
News: UnitedHealthcare CEO fatally shot outside midtown NYC hotel what police say is a targeted attack.
SCOTUS hears arguments, brought by Tennessee, about banning transgender treatment for minors.
LPGA bans biological males from competition.
No-confidence vote in French Parliament ousts Prime Minister.
Mexican troops seize record amount of fentanyl after Trump’s tariff threat.
My mom used to point out one particular instance from my childhood that solidified, in her words, my selfishness and lack of discipline. She brought it up a lot when I’d be acting those particular ways, mostly blaming herself for what happened. Don’t worry, I’ll explain, but in the scenario I’m about to describe, we both appeared to be at fault, and she never let me forget it.
In either second or third grade, one of my classmates was having her birthday party at the local YMCA pool. It was one of my favorite spots, as chance didn’t bring me there often, so I was excited to go. They also had a vending machine there featuring puffed Cheez Doodles for only $0.50, which was oddly also a selling point for me. Before we headed out, I went over to the hall closet where my parents kept the loose change and took two quarters. That’s when Mom caught me, and I explained to her why I needed the change.
“You’re about to go to a party,” she told me, “They’re going to have food there.” I nodded and agreed, putting the quarters back. But when she left the room, I attempted to open the closet door again and retrieve my coins. I wanted those Cheez Doodles, and I was going to get them, regardless of what Ma just told me. I had a mission, consequences be damned.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Mom came right back in the room and caught me. I tried to make up some excuse as to why I needed two quarters, but all efforts failed. She was furious at me. I deliberately disobeyed her and there was no way to get out of this. “You’re not going to that party,” she told me. Of course, I was inconsolable. I did everything I could to beg and plead for me to go, crying my eyes out and saying I’d never disobey her again. And she stood firm on that until she told me to get in the car because we had to go somewhere.
I was still a wreck as we drove, her telling me that I should have thought about what I did and that I needed to listen to her. I just remember keeping a hand over my eyes, feeling so defeated and sad, knowing I did wrong and finally accepting my fate.
Then, we pulled up to the YMCA. Mom had snuck my stuff and the present in the car when I wasn’t looking and drove me to the party anyway. I thanked her profusely, though I could tell she was still mad, but whatever playing on her sympathies I was trying to elicit seemed to work. I regret that, as I should have just accepted my punishment, and Ma should have just stuck to her word. But neither happened. From then on, it was like I knew I could get away with certain things, and that maybe retribution wouldn’t follow suit.
I wish things had gone differently. Ma never really did get over that, both her actions and mine. I did lack discipline going forward, something that followed me long into adulthood, and I became even more a rebellious little sh*t as the years went on. It’s entirely possible that I’ve already reaped what I’ve sown, but I can’t know that. I just wonder about all the things coming back around these days, and if more fallout is on the way.
Some of the time it seems that things happen to people for no good reason. But we are all a product of what we’ve seen occur around us. Maybe we spurred on our situations, maybe not. I say it’s best to take inventory of what comes to you and why. There’s some strange chain reactions going on out here these days, not all of it good, which is the main thing causing me some concern. Whatever actions we take going forward, we have to understand we’re laying the groundwork that could house our foundations for years to come. Whatever situation is laid out for us, hopefully all that’s ahead is pointing us in the right direction, and we can weather the aftermath while in cleanup mode.
As for me, I’m still working on letting go of the guilt, and trying not to bring my karmic skirting into the present. Perhaps these are the repercussions of my actions, as they force me to relive how much I hurt my mom. I’m sorry about the outcome. I’ll do better next life.
