My December to Remember: Day Six
News: Boston City Councilor arrested on fraud charges.
Trump creates A.I. and Crypto Czar position, appoints investor David Sacks to run it.
Gunman in UnitedHealthcare CEO shooting used a fake ID from NJ to check into hostel but arrived in NYC via bus from Georgia last month, could be in the midwest now, DNA recovered from bullets, water bottle.
Romania’s top court invalidates results of its presidential election.
Daniel Penny’s manslaughter charge dropped after jury can’t come to a decision on it, but no mistrial has been called, still faces additional charges.
You know me. I sit over here, pontificating over and over again about how realness is the only way to be, and how I won’t accept anything less than that. I mean, I want to believe that about myself. I want to believe that for everyone, but I have to come back to earth once in a while and understand that 100% honesty 100% of the time just isn’t feasible. For anyone. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t honestly partake in the phoniness once in a while, especially when circumstances call for it.
I have to take a lot of Ubers these days. My boyfriend and I are living apart, and when it’s time to go see him, I just want to be home as quick as possible. It’s expensive, but it’s worth it. Plus hopping on a subway and then a train with all my weekend luggage is too much of a chore. Anyway, every time I get into the car, I go over my little niceties: I thank them for picking me up, announce we’re going to New Jersey, and then asking if they’re doing well. For the most part, the drives into Jersey are silent, just how I like it, giving me plenty of time to write in peace. Those Manhattan Uber drivers seem to just want to get down to business. It’s a different story when I’ve got to back into New York, as a lot of Jersey drivers are unwilling to make the hour-long trek. And that may be worse next month when that congestion-related bilking of the taxpayer takes effect, no matter how much they pretend it’s going to help with anything around here.
So there I was one Sunday, ready to hop in the Uber and head back home. Even before I fully got in the car, the driver was talking to both me and my boyfriend. Making jokes and just generally being that guy who you know is going to keep on yapping. And it’s not like I’m cold or wouldn’t engage if the conversation wasn’t stimulating enough. I just wanted a peaceful ride home that day, as I had a lot of work emails to go through and plenty of writing to accomplish. But there I was, stuck in the middle of his mishmosh of words that showed no signs of stopping. And if I had said to him what I was really feeling about this dull as dishwater interaction, I would have come off like a genuine assh*le. Instead, there was something to be learned about myself that day, even if I had to steer toward the spuriousness to make it happen.
So there I sat, listening to this guy’s out-loud monologue, something that clearly was just part of his personality. I can’t even remember what he went over. It was just one leap to the next thought, like a frog between lilypads. It was endless. But instead of showcasing how clearly frustrated I was, I faux engaged instead. I offered non-committal signs of acknowledgement at everything he was saying to me. Mmm hmm. Yes. Yep. Oh yeah. Oh I know. Oh my God. What. Wow. Yes. I’m sure. Oh dear. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. Though it didn’t sit right with me, I still didn’t feel like being anything other than this forged personality I had magically crafted for the ride.
When I got home, the realness came out with one text to the boyfriend about all I just experienced and how irritating it was. And it’s not the driver’s fault, that’s just who he is. But for me, someone who constantly wears her heart on her sleeve, I felt a sense of pride pulling off the successful stab at pseudo engagement. And that drove home the necessity of knowing when a little shamming might get you through the most obnoxious of times when no other option is available.
The “little white lie” mantra does ring true from time to time. We’ll say things just to stay afloat; to remain socially acceptable while not rattling the boat. I have to be okay with this for myself, and know the right moment to bend the truth, if only to get me to where I need to be. And by that I mean in the physical sense, like a talkative Uber ride home. I’m not out here forging resumes in order to get ahead. And in my view, neither should you. It doesn’t seem to ever end well for anyone involved. But a little pretend politeness never hurt. Has it?
