My December to Remember: Day Three
News: South Korean Prime Minister declares Martial Law.
China says it will ban exports of certain metals to U.S. in response to chips sanctions.
NYC’s Adams says he will comply with incoming Border Czar Tom Homan’s order to crackdown on illegal immigration.
Fulton County DA Fani Willis must disclose all communication with Special Counsel Jack Smith and January 6th Congressional Committee.
Trump chooses crypto-friendly Paul Atkins for SEC Chair.
I don’t really fancy myself as a leader. I’m not a follower per se, I just do what I feel like is right and will listen to the person with the best idea. Sometimes that person is me. But when I’m in a position of leadership, I feel a combination of inadequacy and indifference to the whole process. I don’t hold any kind of commanding role, why in the world would anyone trust me to lead us to victory?
I talk a big game. I pretend like I know what I’m doing and that I’d be a successful public servant. But the truth is, I’m an anxious one. I can barely speak in front of people when I’m put on the spot. If you make me have responsibility for other people besides myself, then find me off in a corner somewhere crying my eyes out. Still, there are moments in life where we have to put aside all that, pull up your bootstraps, and show everyone who’s boss.
Years ago, I was the head coach of a newly-formed fencing team at a private grade school nearby me in Jersey. I don’t even remember how I was recommended for the job, and I had literally no idea what I was doing. It wasn’t a paid gig, I literally volunteered my time to teach these kids everything I knew about the sport. It was fine, I guess. The kids had a good time and I was able to bequeath some knowledge, even if they didn’t ask me back for a second year. I don’t know if they just decided not to go forward with the program again, or they didn’t like how I had the kids play dodgeball one Friday, as it “encouraged war-like thinking.” Yeah. Well, that’s their rules, I suppose.
Either way, the school’s gym teacher was helping me out and kind of overseeing my process. One day after practice, he pulled me to the side and said that there was an issue with one of the kids. He was being distracting and disruptive to the students who wanted to learn. I must not have been that good a coach because this was all news to me. But it became clear it was my responsibility to give a little discipline here, despite my reserve in becoming a de facto authority figure.
After conferring with my mom who basically told me what to say, the next day I pulled this boy aside after practice and let him know there were concerns about his behavior. I explained to him that fencing is a disciplined sport and comes with an element of prestige, and there’s a lot of kids here who want to learn and participate. If he wanted to, he was welcome to do the same, but if he did not, then maybe this wasn’t the place for him.
I saw the look on his face, a little glimpse of first-time humility, and he ended up not finishing out the season. It was quite a different experience for me, as I still felt like I didn’t make much of an impact, or maybe I did it wrong, or that I ruined this kid’s self esteem forever. But it wasn’t the case. It was just something I had to do, and now I have the knowledge that I do command a modicum of dominion over certain subjects.
There hasn’t been a chance like that again where I’m in charge, and frankly I don’t care if there ever is again. I’m content being the passive observer, the team player who steps up to the plate if she’s forced to. Maybe one day I’ll have the confidence to actually be a leader if I can find the avenue that allows for it. Right now I don’t need to be a boss lady. Just a lady. When the kids come, that’ll be a different story, although my boyfriend and I already agreed that he should lay down the law. The kids can come to Ma if they feel like being goofy. Or if they want to learn how to fence, apparently. The coach always comes out when need be.
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