My December to Remember: Day Thirty-One
News: U.S. launches biggest round of strikes on Houthis in Yemen.
Guardian Angels return to NYC subways.
S&P 500 to gain more than 20% in one year for 2nd year in a row.
And to think, one year ago tonight I was in the exact same position I am right now. Home alone, trying to write, not caring one whit about what’s going on out there, the Crossroads of America just a few blocks away. Only this time, whatever anxiety was plaguing me 366 days ago is not present now. I had such fear of this year and what was ahead that my countdown to midnight was just one big anxious wind up. And yet it all feels like I went through that just yesterday. It’s that close in my memory that it very well could have been. It’s an odd feeling that I’ve mentioned before. And as I look back at all that’s happened to me this year, I wonder how much dabbling in the past I really want to do going forward.
On one hand, this “yesterday feeling” may not be a bad thing. When I tell a past story, it’s helpful remembering exactly how I felt in that situation, so I’m able to articulate the emotion felt and translate it to paper. I suppose that part of myself I can never escape, considering my medium of choice here. However, my caution lies in getting so easily swept up in what once was, that I could lose sight of all that’s before me.
I have this friend who’s notorious for circling back around with me. And when they do arrive at my terminal, they bring a cargo bay full of “remember whens.” And, oh boy, do I remember. I’ll never not remember, as it was a big part of my life for a minute there. I had the chance to reminisce about it this year, and, true to form, it was like no time had passed once we got back in contact. It felt nice to bury the hatchet and realize there were no hard feelings after all. Because for so long, any memory of my friend was met with that sinking feeling; something like an entire life was missed out on all because we couldn’t play by each others’ rules. But now, it’s not like that. I got the closure I needed. I may not have gotten out exactly I wanted to say, but I got enough. And now, even though it all happened “just yesterday,” I can rest easy, confident we ended up exactly where we we were meant to be and are better off for it.
The past can’t help but crop up, I think. Things will run their course but find their way back. Or you could have something lingering back there that simply wasn’t finished with you in your present form. Just look what else happened this year, reconnecting with my old Catholic school classmate and finding a partner for life. I wasn’t looking for it, and maybe neither of us thought we’d actually find anything for us in the past. But we did. And now I’m here, a whirlwind of possibilities coming for both of us in the new year.
I guess we can’t help but experience our pasts here and there. If mine keep sitting in the yesterdays, then it may always be a little fresh on the mind. But I can live with that. I have to. There’s no other choice, and that’s the best possible place to be. Because we’re all coming up with ideas that could be implemented faster than we know. It’s the dreaming of a better future part that can sometimes be the tricky part.
Thank you for reading me then, now, and always. Until next time.
