My December to Remember: Day Eighteen
News: Dow Jones Index sees ten-day losing streak, longest since 1974.
Wording for Congressional Continuing Resolution bill released, over 1,500 pages long, surprise surprise another pork-filled $110B box of bullshitter, online “insistence” pushes Speaker Johnson to consider “skinny” CR instead.
California declares state of emergency over bird flu I suppose.
Biden’s EPA allows California to ban the sale of gas cars by 2035.
In my junior year of high school, I became fixated on college applications, as Mom always highlighted how important it was to further my education. I was all on board at the time, feeling like university was simply the next step in my “career,” and getting into the best school possible was my sole mission. My heart was set on NYU. I wanted to return back to my birthplace and live there as an adult, and the Tisch School of the Arts seemed to have everything I wanted to pursue as a film major. One of the requirements was to send in a short film, so I, along with much-needed help from my parents, put together a short documentary on my father’s life growing up in New York City.
It was a family project. We called it “Tales from Hell’s Kitchen.” Mom, Dad and I spent a day in the city filming it, going all over Manhattan to hear and record Dad’s stories from the old neighborhood, his time in the U.S. Navy, and what brought him back stateside after traveling the world. I edited it together, using music from the likes of Chicago and Billy Joel, all tied into a tight twelve-minute production narrated by yours truly. I was proud of the final product. More proud of the subject and crew behind it. Which is why it was devastating me to get the rejection letter from my Tisch early admission.
I was shocked. Genuinely shocked. I thought whoever reviewed that video would have no choice but to usher me right in through the front gates. Mom comforted me as I cried in her arms, feeling as low as I could possibly get. NYU was where I was supposed to be. Going there would have secured my place in the filmmaking business, since a degree from such a prestigious university is what (I thought) would carry me through the rest of my life. But it wasn’t meant to be. I took a gamble on early admission and lost. And in that moment, I couldn’t help but feel like a loser extraordinaire, someone not worthy of any of her desires being fulfilled at any point in her life.
Mom told me not to worry, as there was something else out there meant for me. She then recalled an article she had read recently about some films NYU students produced. They were all strange modern art statements that didn’t sit right with me when she relayed them. Mom agreed with me that I just wasn’t what they were looking for, and thank God for that, if those kinds of films were what they were after. I wasn’t a loser, they just didn’t “get” me. But some other place would, that much I knew. I took the letter and stuck it to the fridge, a reminder to myself of that better spot for me. I may have gone bust in that one instance, but as long as I kept going, there’s no way I could falter. Plus, I got into the new dream school Northwestern a few months later, arguably a better expensive day care school, so everything worked out for the best.
I’m lucky in the sense that decisions I make and rejections I experience aren’t costly enough to do any real significant damage to my reputation. It’s not like one bad political move will permanently cement me as a grade A loser. No, I’ve learned enough to know that every time disappointment happens, another opportunity is right behind it. I just have to actively go searching for it rather than wallowing in what I don’t have. I’ve mentioned so much on this blog about feeling like a loser that I need to reaffirm for myself how much that just isn’t true.
I sense a lot of wins ahead on the horizon, even for those who think they’re doomed. The people who are meant to fail and wind up with egg on their face will do just that. Everyone else can find their own role and, in some instances, pretend like they’ve made a difference. Fake it till you make it. I was still feeling hurt by NYU’s rejection even after finding my confidence again. It’s all a process. Sometimes you need to lose a few skirmishes before you ultimately win the war. Now if only people chose their battles better, I think we’d all score a few more victories around here. My next one should be to find cables to plug in my external harddrive where the one copy of “Tales from Hell’s Kitchen” lives. I won’t let it get lost to time.
