September Surrender: Day Twenty Five
I remember getting yelled at a lot as a kid. It was just how I was disciplined. My mother’s mom chased after them with a belt, so she decided never to hit me. But her teachings came in shout form. The yelling was was never out of anger or maliciousness, it was just how my mother vented her frustrations. She wanted me to be perfect while wishing to save me from the ills of the world. And for someone so tall and thin, she had a set of lungs on her. But that just meant her laughter was enough to shake the house. I miss her laugh. It was so real. Luckily I’ve got a YouTube video where she crashed one of my readings of a dumb guy’s dumb book, so now I can hear it anytime I want. Man, that book was awful, though. I wasted so many brain cells for no discernable reason and even read two more of his books. What was I doing on the internet for so many years?
Oh right, I was talking about being disciplined and wandered off again. No wonder I got yelled at so much. I can’t ever keep a train of thought. So I guess it’s too late for me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be strict yet selective when it comes to teaching the next generation how to behave.
As I get closer to the reality of starting a family of my own, I do think about how it is I’m going to parent. I’d like to think I’ll be a good mom, as I had the world’s best one, even if the family dynamics were loud at times. Right now, the only thing I have any authority over is the cat. She’s the one I’m “raising” for lack of a better term, so there’s habits I’ve helped her form through my own methods.
For instance, she used to put her paws on the cabinets when it was time to eat, something I didn’t want her doing. So every time she’d put a paw up, I’d stop and make her wait ten or so minutes before I went to feed her again. It didn’t take her very long to learn that a paw on the cabinet meant no food right away, and she eventually stopped doing it. I was proud of her for picking up on it, and it was all done without me resorting to shouting to get my point across. I’m now working on getting her to stop clawing at the couch arms after a she stretches out, but we need a few more lessons in order to get there.
There are some moments where one has to be stern when being the disciplinarian. I just do not want to cross the line into loud nagging harpy territory. I catch myself grouching at Sadie when she meows and I hear my mother doing the same to me. I’d rather not be that way when the time comes, and control my emotions better than I have been. I’d prefer ruling the roost with a firm tone where needed, but with lots of love to follow. Because that’s what I always felt from my mother, even when I drove her crazy with my wandering little mind. I had plenty to learn from her. My kids will do the same, just with much less volume. This is study hall, after all. We’ve got a few more things to learn before the final exam.