September Surrender: Day Thirteen
I can’t tell if I’m jetlagged or not. I had to go to work this morning after a nine-hour flight and two-and-a-half hours of sleep. I kept my bed pulled down because I knew the first thing I’d do upon arriving home was nap. And that’s just what I did for five-and-a-half hours. The only thing that woke me up was a phone call from my boyfriend. But I can’t even be sure we spoke, as I was in that state between sleep and waking, where I’m at peak crankiness until I remember how to be a person. It doesn’t feel like the best place for me to be, as I’m liable to act like, in my boyfriend’s words, “a pile of shit” until I’m awake.
I don’t disagree. Waking up has always been a bit of a problem for me, especially thanks to my overnight news schedule. But the new thing that’s happening is me being a total and utter crank upon waking. I’m told I ask for “five more minutes” on the couch every single time I nap at my boyfriend’s house. There’s slight moments here and there where I can remember being such a crank at him, even after I’m the one who told him to wake me up at a certain time. I believe he’s resigned to the “wifely” dynamic of a man having to put up with his woman’s BS from time to time, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to resign to it. Why give him any further fodder to dread naptime when it’s an integral part of my routine?
Maybe this isn’t that deep. I’m not sure if anyone is a sparkling personality the moment they wake up. Still, I can work on my default being something other than a grump. I should be happy to see a man who loves me the moment I open my eyes, as all he’s doing is waiting for me to join him in the land of the living again. I know I can’t always control a relatively unconscious action, but maybe I can work on it instead of writing it off as just a bitchy little quirk. I’ll have to see how I feel when he spends the night tomorrow, and if I need a nap during the day or not. I’ll let him be the judge. I’ve got enough nap skills in me for the both of us.