September Surrender: Day Three
My boyfriend and I are both only children. I’m not sure how rare that is, but its not altogether unsurprising that we’d gravitate toward one another. We both have the same personality types, even though we grew up with different familial dynamics. I’m sure knowing each other as kids also left an impression, adding to the reasons why we get along so well. Our kids aren’t going to have any blood-related aunts or uncles, but they’ll have plenty of our friends who will lend them an ear anytime.
It’s because we’re both not typical only children. He’s one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known. He’d do anything for me. And my father. And that kind of personality archetype opens you up to the general population. People want to know him. It’s easy for them to spill their stories to him. And he’s always there to listen. It’s not just story after story about himself, like people assume only children would do. He hears me and all those he loves and cares about. And I like to think I’m that way as well, though it took me a bit longer to catch wind of that skillset.
Years ago when I was on one of my summer breaks from college, I took a night trip to the Seaside Park boardwalk on the Jersey Shore. I remember wanting to break the town border a bit and feel the ocean’s spray in the night air, plus there was a little head shop I always liked visiting. Before I left for home, I settled on a bench and called one of my college friends up to talk about my night and whatever else was on my mind. And I did that. For 45 minutes. Just me talking, barely asking what she was up to, saying all these things about myself and not once coming up for air. I could hear her getting bored with my self-absorption but I just couldn’t stop talking. And so my night went with me wondering why a friend would rather tune me out than hone in on my words.
I think about that phone call a lot. Not so much what I said, as I really can’t remember, but the knowledge gained because of it. I harken back to that feeling every time I think I’m not letting enough breaks in the conversation happen, or I’m dominating it by only speaking about myself. Of course I need to tell my story too, but it’s not only mine that is important. From that moment on, I made sure to give everyone a fair shake when speaking, to ask questions and be alert enough to prove I’m listening. It’s a good quality and important for basic human interaction. Just like the ability to hear one’s own self and course correct when needed. But stop me if you’ve heard that one before.