My December to Remember 3: Day Thirty-One
News: Queen of Denmark abdicates throne.
2 members of Harvard Crimson editorial board call for President Claudine Gay to resign.
Joe’s NYE resolution from St. Croix is “to come back next year.”
DailyMail expects Bill Clinton to be named as John Doe 36 in Epstein doc drop.
I’m not going to finish my first draft before the year is out. In fact, at this rate, I may never look at it again. I’m no stranger to abandoning projects, so it’s not like this is off script for me. I’ve just written myself into a corner with absolutely no idea how to resolve it. There are plot points all over the place and no strong foundation to tie them together. I don’t even know what caused my characters to drift apart at this point, and I’m too embarrassed to go back and reread it. I almost know what the ending is, but I’m questioning whether it’s even worth finding. I’d rather start something new where I can sincerely document the beginning, middle, and end. I didn’t do that here, so I don’t see the point in continuing. If I never read my words again as long as I live, I wouldn’t mind it. But I wonder how long I can get away with this defeatism before I finally find the courage to elevate my wordcount.
The story I’m thinking of never leaves me. I’m always going over it in my mind, trying to find ways to justify what I’ve manifested. When I do find the courage to go back and see, it’s not as bad as I think. It’s just amateurish. I’d get over my writer’s block if I read more, so perhaps that can be a resolution in and of itself. I love fancying myself as a storyteller, but truthfully, I have no idea how to write one. I don’t map things out and hope I just find the point the more I write. I think, for now, it’s best for certain aspects of my writing to stay dormant until I can give the process the respect it deserves, instead of rushing a transcript riddled with errors and inaccuracies.
There’s got to be a better way here. That’s what I keep thinking. There’s got to be a commitment to myself on this that I am lacking elsewhere in my life. I must be willing to try new things in order to get what lives in my head and heart down on paper.
Brave decisions come in big and small boxes. I can hop out of my own small world for a moment and admit my current writer’s path needs an upgrade. Perhaps I practice with short story prompts. Or do some narrative charting with character biographies. This new year feels like I have every opportunity to do so, even if I have to put to rest what I once knew and loved. It’s why I had to hide two of the three short stories I’ve written on this blog. Not deleted, just forever in my drafts. And so I will begin again, trying something new when the mother of all stories drops and we read things we’ve never even dreamed of hearing.
Right now, all I have are my words. The more I keep sharing them and writing them out, it’s bound to turn into something.
And as we all get ready to begin a new year, I’m hoping we all embrace the changes needed in order to bring us exactly where we need to be. Maybe one day I’ll get to say “the end” and really mean it.
Happy new year, everybody.
