September Surrender: Day Nine
My boyfriend and I are in a routine. I won’t say stuck in one, because it doesn’t feel like that. We’ve just somehow decided to keep doing the same thing over and over again each day. I get a good morning text from him, as I’m usually in the office at that time, I tell him to have a good day at work before he leaves, I’ll perhaps text him throughout the day so he can see I’m there while on break, then I get a phone call as soon as he’s off the clock. We text throughout the night until it’s time for me to go to bed. It’s the same good night text each time; I tell him lights out, and he tells me sweet dreams.
It’s honestly cute. It’s secure. It’s what I always wished I would have. So why do I feel like there needs to be a disruption in the wavelength?
The first time we spent the weekend together, I fully expected him not to text me for like a week after. I suppose it was because my past relationships were so sporadic and episodic that I just assumed this would be no different. And then he began calling me after work the next day. And I’m not sick of it whatsoever. In fact, if I go more than a few hours without hearing from him, my paranoia levels creep up and I wonder where he is. I know he’s coming back as that security has already been established, but I’ve been known to pace back and forth until I hear that text chime. So clearly I don’t want anything to stop us from speaking or strolling through life side-by-side. But I do wonder, can we actually just keep doing this forever and ever?
I suppose I’m worried about stagnation or the fear of him simply getting bored with me. But that security bubble keeps popping up, reminding me of what I found, what I have, and what will still have me. We’ve spoken every single day for the past six months and I see this continuing long into our journey together. Maybe all I’m experiencing is us being on the cusp of something new when our dynamic shifts and we no longer live apart. When we officially shack up, we’ll find an all new way to communicate and work with our individualities as we trek through a life together.
I’m letting go of my paranoia and just being with myself, knowing he’s there whether my eyes are open or closed. Who knew something so right would just up and saunter into my life like this? It’s time to preserve the happy times, find comfort in the tranquility, and stop longing for drama to shake things up. That’s not fun anymore. I’m opting for a more balanced pace, even though his much taller stature make his strides longer than mine. I can live with it. He can too, I hope.