June Renew: Day Sixteen
Dad n’ Me n’ Him
First off, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. I had a nice day with my dad. My friend and I took him out to a restaurant that few seem to know about in this town. Just a nice little Italian place with some of the best food around here. It felt especially important to do something today, as this is the first Father’s Day without Mom. And my dad will take any opportunity where he can talk and talk and tell all his stories, both including and excluding my presence.
This was the first time all three of us went out somewhere together. And the more time we all spend together, a little phenomenon is happening that I never really expected, mainly because I’ve never been in a real relationship before where these kinds of opportunities crop up. It’s not altogether unpleasant, but I wonder what, if anything, it says about me, and what kind of island I’ve found myself on.
But I’m Here Too
When my friend drops me at Dad’s house after we spend the weekend together, he sits and hangs for a half-hour to an hour, listening to my dad talk and smoking a few cigarettes in the house. Today at the restaurant it was no different, minus the cigarettes indoors, of course. The interesting thing is when they speak and it involves me, it’s almost like I’m not even there. “I was telling Gina,” or “I said to Gina,” they both say.
It’s not that I feel excluded. It’s actually the opposite. I feel like I’m up on a little pedestal, on display, this little jewel that is spoken so highly of, but not really knowing why. When my friend relays a story about us to my dad, I’m put right back in that spot, hoping Dad gets what’s special about it. When my dad tells my friend about something I once said, I hope my friend just absolutely loves it. It’s a good feeling being this special, finally feeling like I brought someone over who can integrate into the family, and watch the appreciation in real-time, though I may not always be contributing to the conversation.
The Star of the Show
When we first started hanging out, I wanted my friend to meet my dad relatively quick. He was hesitant, only because it’s a lot of pressure meeting the parent(s) for the first time. I reassured him, saying he technically already met him as far back as grade school, and whatever pressure he was feeling wouldn’t be there for long. They got along right away, like I predicted, and now we’re all in the group chat together. But the common denominator, at the end of the day, is me. So I’ve got to make sure I use this power responsibly.
I imagine this must be what my mom felt like in the last few years. She wasn’t able to say a lot at the table, but she always knew when she was being talked about. That’s because we couldn’t help but say nice things about her and all that she was. All she’d do was smile and know. She was special, it only makes sense her daughter would be the same.
There’ll be many more conversations, plenty of times for me to chime in and be talked about. As long as I remember there’s plenty of room at the top of my little spot I so suddenly found myself on.