June Renew: Day One
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I’ve become accustomed to a relatively extensive nighttime routine. When you work the hours I do, every second counts when you’re running up to the moment you can shut the lights off and finally get some rest. But if I expect to wake up with good skin, soft legs, and less offensive morning breath, I’ve got to take care of all the things that have become necessary to maintain.
Leading up to lights out, I first need to make sure there’s no dishes in the sink. I hate doing dishes, but I can’t let them sit there overnight. Even though I complain about the slog it is cleaning my utensils and salad spinner, I still have to do it. It’s just one of the many things on my checklist that need to be done before bed. But even before that gets completed, I have to prepare my bed. There’s a coffee table, two tete-a-tete couches, an ottoman, and thin table that all need to be moved over to the other side of the room so I have enough space to pull down my bed. I then have to unlatch the straps that keep the pillows in place, then grab the two other California King pillows sitting in a basket near my mirror, throwing one in bed and placing one over the tete-a-tete couches so the cat doesn’t lie on them (she does anyway, sometimes). And speaking of the cat, you’re right about me cleaning her litterbox before putting my computer to sleep before any of the real work can get done.
Facetime
A couple of months ago, my friend gave me a hemp bag so I could put all my pre-sleep items in. I guess he was tired of watching me try to balance all the various lotions and scrubs into the bathroom with me every time I’d unpack. And yet it’s still close to overflowing, whether I’m at his house or not. I first have to brush my teeth, exfoliate and wash my face. Then I spritz a little toner before lotioning up my legs and rear end, and apply ingrown hair oil around the problem areas. When I’m actually in bed, I can moisturize my feet before the facework begins. I’ve got this Korean snail mucin serum (“It’s s*men,” says my friend) that goes on before the night cream gets slathered on my face and neck. I’ll then use my jade roller to firm out my face before applying one of two oils on top. Then, with some nighttime lip moisturizer and hand cream on, I can finally write a page in my nightly journal, bid good night to my friend, and finally get some shut eye, giving all I’ve done a chance to work its magic.
Did you get all that? Did you take all that in? Because I do this every night. And I’m finally in a place where I’m happy with the groove I’ve settled in.
On the Program
I’ve often complained how I have no consistency in my life. Where I’d just come home and sit and stew and smoke and sulk at all the things I didn’t have. But more and more I’m getting the feel that is simply not true. Even before I reconnected with my friend, I had a steady sort of routine all the same. It may have been boring from the outside, but I was getting myself up each and every day to go to work. I’d come home and write. I’d go through emails and make sure the inbox was empty before shutting down the system. I did all sorts of things that made me feel dependent on myself and my norms. It’s just that I was too down on myself to see them.
While I’m not one to attribute vast life changes to one single relationship, I can say with certainty that it helps. There’s more of a reason to want to take care of myself, especially when someone is so encouraging of your journey. It can take a lot of practice to not disappoint yourself. It’s an effort in consistency, as if you’re practicing a sport. You must train your mind to like all the things you must do in order to contribute to the betterment of yourself and those you love. And if you’re lucky, maybe you can find familiarity where you never expected to find it.
Last Dance
I had a thought the other day: Is this what I’ll be doing forever? Am I just going to lotion my face for the rest of my life, as long as I’m physically able? It’s starting to feel like that. I’m creating my own parameters and operating within the limits inside them. There’s no reason to turn against myself anymore, no reason to self-sabotage because it’s the only form of control I can muster. That’s simply not the case anymore. I’ve got a good thing going here. A real standard I can stick to. If I can channel this mindset into physical activity I’d be on easy street. But not all workout routines are created equal. I’ll start tomorrow, I promise.
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