My December to Remember 3: Day Twelve
News: Harvard U. President backed by Harvard Corp, will not be removed as president.
Zelenskyy meets with lawmakers on Capitol Hill.
Biden says Israeli government needs to change.
Years ago, at one of the stations I used to work at, a new reporter came onto the scene. He was tall, dark, very handsome. I had a crush immediately. I was so the smitten kitten. And as it turns out, he and I clicked in much the same way. At the end of the first day, it was as if we were old friends, speaking each other’s language in ways my other co-workers could not. It was nice feeling close to someone, especially someone I was crushing on. But when I found out he was married, I knew nothing could go any further than some light moon-eyeing and wishful thinking. However, our connection was undeniable. We’d hang out every chance we got while at work, talking non-stop and going out for smoke breaks. We’d also be the ones to urge our co-workers for a drink after work. People at the station were speculating if we were hooking up, which I swear on God never happened. But the thought was never lost on me that this beautiful man had a thing for me, even though I had already decided it was meant to be nothing more than an unfulfilled love affair.
Even through all of this, even though I felt like I had a new friend at that station, I was starting to notice certain things he was saying that I wasn’t quite agreeing with, but still put on the front that I did so he’d like me. For example, he was liberal. And when I say liberal, I mean the kind of liberal who never saw any good in anyone from “the other side of the aisle.” I’m sure conservatives do this too, but I see it on a more ridiculous scale with those who skew left. And having grown up in a conservative part of the country, I didn’t really know what to say when I felt a bit insulted by his insinuations. But it didn’t matter. I wanted him to think I was cool. That I was part of the crew. That I could ignore him referring to one of the other reporters as “half-a-fag,” even though I found it insulting. Or how much he liked to drink to the point he’d just become belligerent. Still, I thought that by being his “cool girl,” maybe one day, impossibly, he’d fall as head over heels for me as I was with him.
Alas, nothing came of it, though I thought there could have been a moment at the station’s holiday party. Either way, I went on to another station, he ended up in New Jersey government. He had a baby girl, we lost contact, and he unfollowed me on Twitter. So what did I learn from all this? That perhaps the admiration in my head is sometimes better than what reality is showing me.
A lot of the time, people put others upon pedestals. And it’s not out of the ordinary. It’s only natural to admire another person, especially if you’ve felt that spark of a connection. It’s not so easily unwired. But it’s not a bad idea to examine what makes these circuits special, and if they’re even worth pursuing in the end. Even though this reporter and I were never anything more than flirty co-workers, I knew somewhere deep down he could never be the one for me, even if the circumstances allowed it. I can say that with hindsight, but I knew it back then too. Those red flags were being raised long before I discovered he no longer wished to be my friend. And so what, am I to beat myself up over that? No. I enjoyed the time I had with him. I regret nothing. I just don’t think it’s a bad thing for that picture-perfect image to be seen for what it really is.
Sometimes it’s not just one event that can change our perception of those we once admired. Sometimes it’s a slow burn. A rot that sets in that slowly decomposes the friendship. Maybe you think an earth-shattering event won’t change things, but time sets in and your entire view on that person has changed. We’re not meant to love everybody, just like we’re not meant to hate everyone. But don’t be surprised if your outlook on those you once held in high esteem begins to fall. Don’t be embarrassed, either. Nothing can be perfect the first go-around. It’s just the natural order of things. No one man can be worthy of all your rounds of applause anyway.
I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibilities to say this might be the end of hero worship as we know it. Even though many at the moment still want the view from below the pedestal, I can’t see it going on that much longer. Because one way or another, the veil always lifts. And people’s true colors always get revealed. It’s that much harder to keep a damper on it these days. Everything eventually gets found out. And those you once held great respect for may not always be so deserving of it. Just hope that you’ve got enough sense to weed out the BS from the real, go with your gut, and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Sorry if that last line colored your vision of me.
