My December to Remember 3: Day Five
News: Virginia home explodes after man shot flare guns throughout neighborhood, no word on what caused the explosion.
23andMe data hacked.
FBI’s Wray testifies he’s never seen so many threats across the U.S. elevated at the same time.
John Kerry allegedly and audibly toots during climate conference.
Yeah, no. I couldn’t today and I wasn’t going to. I made the actual decision to just not be jovial today, like I’ve honestly been most days thus far. I can’t really tell you exactly what was wrong, but it was a conscious choice to just not want to today. If we’re going to “Main Character Syndrome” this, I chose to play the role of the unlikable protagonist to a tee. I knew it wasn’t right and I could not justify my attitude today, but I popped off anyway.
It started when I saw a security guard outside my place of business throw a coffee cup onto the ground right in front of me. It was so blatant I actually stopped in my tracks.
“That’s not a garbage can,” I noted, “Are you going to pick that up?”
He looked at me like there was no other option for him.
“Throw it away!” I pleaded, “Come on, why did you do that?” Again, just a stare.
I was so incensed that I picked it up myself and walked inside the building, looking back to see at least four people looking at me like I was crazy.
This city is a sh*thole, but you don’t have to keep adding to it. I’ve done this before, I’ll f*cking do it again. Better me venting here than actually trying to light the fuse elsewhere.
This seems to be life right now in 2023 New York City, and perhaps the entire world. Everyone is on edge moreso than I’ve ever seen. It’s like we get set off easier now as we hear more and more insane ideas about how we should be governed and what our leadership is doing to keep themselves satiated. People are given unfettered access to our southern border while Democrats in the Senate think illegal migrants should serve in the military. New York says charging motorists $23 to go from uptown to downtown is a good thing to reduce congestion and pollution. And people who gleefully said they want to “punch nazis” are openly hating Jews just because they’re Jewish.
Zero things make sense right now, and it’s a futile effort to try and cut the wire before the actual bomb goes off. But perhaps it was me who planted it there all along.
I don’t like when I get like this, all sullen and moody. It’s not a good look for me, and it’s made even worse when I actively know I’m doing it. All my instincts tell me to justify it, but there is no justification. I’m just mad and hurt and angry right now, and no amount of garbage policing is going to fix anything. One problem down, another arises, like me seeing two middle school girls jump fare in the subway today. I can only shake my head at this powder keg we all seem to be sitting on, waiting for the impact so we can rebuild the smithereens left behind.
I just don’t want to be the one to light the fuse. Keep me away from the matches. I’m liable to really ruin things around here, even as instinct tells me the entire annihilation of everything we know may be the only way forward.
What we’re currently doing is not working. We talk all about our problems and offer no solutions. Or at least those who do get drowned out by the sound of another explosion going off elsewhere. I’m in the camp of there being evil people at the helm who actively want to ruin everything, so they can abscond with their billions of dollars and f*ck off to some other planet to ruin. Meanwhile, I’m rooting for all of it gone. For everyone to be in the same capsized boat. For no one to walk away unscathed by this endless chaos they’ve enabled and perpetuated.
But I cannot keep contributing to the match striking. I’ve got to take a step back and let whatever’s about to blow up do it on its own.
It’s getting to be that time where I really have to decide where I want to put my energy, because the way I’m feeling right now, we’re due for a real nuclear winter just around the corner.
Or maybe I just need to get laid. Just bang it out some other way, truly.
